Failed Impression

Life doesn’t always give people ample chances to express themselves. Sometimes, that could be catastrophic for the person whose emotions are unexpressed when the water is already under the bridge.

Ankur always wanted to live a life full of extremes. He was a day-dreamer. He lived in a posh colony. His parents were the kind of people, as all parents are, somewhat uninterested in his small stories. Stories which were beautiful only when you see it through a child’s eyes. Like most of the kids, he became happy & sad with small things. He was always an expressive person, he needed a person to share those seemingly trivial anecdotes. Richa, the garrulous girl who lived just a few blocks away and used to come to the park to play slowly became interested in Ankur’s stories. Richa cycled on her ladybird everyday to sit with Ankur & listen to all his stories. Richa’s banter always enthused Ankur to share each of his stories as & when they happened. Their friendship survived the test of teenage and went to adulthood.

Ankur started to deal with his adulthood. His parents were all ears to him but there was an artificial wall between them which only Ankur could see. He still maintained the same protocol of telling everything to Richa. Richa had also grown up and used to fill Ankur with all her crushes. She used to describe about all the guys she crushed upon in detail. Ankur always had that smirk to hide his true emotions. Each passing day started becoming more gruesome for Ankur.

“Hey! You know there’s this cute guy in my office who blushes in my presence”, Richa says in the middle of a long silence. “Hmmmm, something’s brewing!” exclaimed Ankur. Albeit, Ankur’s heart started churning and all he wanted to do was cry. He wanted to sob with all his energy and take his lungs & heart out.

“I don’t know what to do, Ankur. He is a bit shy and never takes any steps to break the ice between us”

“Richa, I think sometimes women should take the first step. It looks special” puts in Ankur

Years passed, Richa’s heart had fallen for yet another guy which was like a quarterly routine for her. Ankur was in cognizance of this and he did his best to listen to all what Richa had to say. However, during the last few years Ankur had lost a friend. The friend who used to listen to all of his stories. The friend who never judged his stories. The friend who did her best to comfort Ankur when she was the only way Ankur could find solace. So much unsettling this was for Ankur, but he kept all those emotions inside him. There was a reason behind it. Now, he was not that same 10 year old kid. He was a grown man with his matured stories. Almost all those stories had Richa in it. The Richa, who was a beautiful young lady. The Richa, who could make Ankur’s worries go away with a smile. The Richa, in whose presence Ankur lived with tranquility. Alas, he was afraid to say all this to Richa.

He had loved Richa all those years. Now, he wanted to express that love with his stories but Richa never gave Ankur the confidence which he needed to spill the beans out. Ankur & Richa kept on meeting each other. However, there developed an invisible wall between him & Richa.

His life became a brutal maze in which every night he reached the same nadir of hopelessness of unrequited love. Ankur cried himself to sleep every night. This went on for few weeks. He finally decided that he is going to express himself. He had had his share of wallowing in fear of rejection. He brushed up all the stories safely stacked up in his heart. He could almost feel his heart pounding. He had a childlike innocent confidence that Richa would accept his proposal. He put on his best clothes, checked his smell and marched on his way to a mission. There was a minor worry in his mind though. He didn’t meet Richa last evening & his calls went unanswered late last night. But, sanity prevailed over him and he assured himself that she might have fallen asleep.

He presses the buzzer outside Richa’s flat. But, it was pointless as he realised that quite a lot of people are coming in & out of her flat. He asked one of them, “Bhai, what’s the reason for this flux of people?” “Dude, the girl left her body for heavenly abode last night. Peaceful death, family members only realised it in the morning. Doctors say it was a cardiac arrest. Strange thing!” replied the young boy shattering Ankur’s world forever.
Hoping against hope he asks, “Richa?” The guy replies , “Yes of course, Richa. She was the only girl in the house.”

Ankur went inside Richa’s flat. Waved a goodbye and strolled back towards his home without shedding a drop of tear. His life was transformed. He got lost in a different maze. A maze which had so many hints to get out of it. Alas, he never wanted to come out of it. Richa was the reason he was trying to find a way out of the earlier maze. His emotions remained forever unexpressed. He failed. He had failed to put across a proper impression. His failed impression would haunt him forever.

PS : Work of fiction